Dream on, silly girl

At this very moment, I am listening to Hazel Faith’s cover of one of my favorite songs, The Only Exception, by one of my favorite bands, Paramore. Hazel Faith Dela Cruz is one of the luckiest Mapuan I have ever known in my stay, so far, in MIT. Besides being chosen as one of the cast of the internationally-known tv show, Glee, she is the youngest member of C-major and the band Climate Change. She is a believer, a person who offers everything she does to God. I can say that she is an epitome of beauty, inside and out.

As the video buffers because of the slow internet connection, I repeat the song over and over again, tirelessly listening to an angelic voice I know not the origin. And as I listen to how she sings, I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be nice if I were like her?” I will be posting my videos in Youtube and sing my heart out. Then, as my video increases, I will be discovered. And I could be just like Charice. I will make my own songs and produce my own album and people will idolize me. It will be one heck of a fantastic yet difficult life.

I will be posting videos for my fans and they will follow my posts and so on. I’ll be free no more. I’ll be eating on expensive restaurants and my fans will be outside or maybe inside to have my autograph. Silly me for having my train of thoughts circled on stardom. Well, it was once my dream.

Unfortunately, I’m only imagining those things; they’re fictitious. I have to go back to reality, my reality. I have tons still to finish. With a relationship to balance with my everyday life, schoolwork, and, of course, my family, shining brighter than anyone is but a castle in the air, a mere fantasy.

And I just began wondering…How do famous people live?

First Time to Use Acrylic

I had fun painting and chatting with my sister today. It was actually my first time to use the acrylic as a medium for painting. I’ve always thought about using it before, but I didn’t try. It was expensive, I thought. There will come a time when I will be able to use it and so it came. The painting is for my Humanities subject, a very interesting and fascinating subject.

I was excited when our Humanities professor, Ma’am Palmea told the class that we would be painting. I suggested using canvas – since I haven’t once used that kind of material before – to try something new. The class agreed. I have no idea how much the price would be but I know that I would definitely buy them against all odds. 

Days went on and I still haven’t thought of a subject. What should I be painting about? I had thought of dozens of things – a night sky full of stars or lanterns,  a tree, a waterfalls, etc. Until finally when my family visited our hometowns in Pangasinan, I saw something that caught my eye. “Captivate” was the very word that came to me. It was only for a second that I saw the view for we were riding our car that time and this very picturesque never left my head. I sketch it, drew it, until I finally got the very concept I want to use. 

I already have my subject. So how do I paint it? I have no idea how to use acrylic pigment. I searched the net for techniques that I can use just before we started painting. I realized while watching that I should have tried using it a long time ago. It’s as if I missed a time of my life. But it’s not too late, right? I have my free time to improve this skill. I will definitely give my best.

My Frosh Week in Mapua: A New Beginning

Just this Monday, July 11, 2011, I was an official freshman in one of the leading institute here in the Philippines, the Mapua Institute of Technology. It is one of the most important days of my college life. Why so? Obviously because that was my first day as a college student. A myriad of emotions overflowed me – excitement, nervousness, fear, and happiness at the same time. It was actually nerve-racking.

Being a college student would surely bring a lot of changes in me and in my daily life. Before, when I was in high school, I had to keep myself focused in my studies and so as with extra-curricular activities; furthermore, I had some clubs to handle. I didn’t have much time for myself to relax and just have fun; almost all I did was for my goal to be a valedictorian. Unfortunately, though the topped the highest, I was not given the title I had always dreamt all my high school life because of two cases I had when I was in my freshmen years. That was a big slap on my face that though I had worked hard all those years, that one thing I was dreaming of didn’t even touch my fingertips. Can you imagine the pain I went through? I cried. A lot.

Now that I’m in college, I have to remain focused. I have my goal and it is my personal decision. Truthfully, I feel discouraged because of my past experiences, but I keep telling myself to hold on; to not let go. I believe that God has something better stored for me. As the saying goes, “When a door closes, another one opens.” All I need is determination.

My first impression at Mapua is that it is a “hectic” school. It is the only school I know which follows a Quarterm System. If a typical school has two to three semester, Mapua has four. Vacation would only last 1-2 weeks for enrollment for the next term and a month for the Christmas break. Topics should be discussed as fast as possible because a shorter amount of time is allotted for each lesson. Academic and extra-curricular activities should be balanced and some professors and instructors will surely be a pain in your butt, seriously.

I am actually having a lot of thoughts when it comes to that. Sometimes, I think I could make it, that I could graduate and if ever, with flying colors. Then, suddenly, I would think that I won’t make it. Sometimes I like to shift and at times want to transfer to different university. I don’t know anymore. I had a tinge of fear when our professors and instructors told us that in Mapua, only few survives, that in order to survive, you need to be skillful. In Mapua you should never aim for a 3.0; you should always aim for 1.0, which is really hard. Of course, I have to stay positive. In my previous school, I had been trained to be disciplined in school work and I guess I have an advantage when it comes to that.

Despite me having so many thoughts for my future in Mapua, I find my frosh week really amazing. I have new friends, new schedule to follow and I have a new type of transportation too. I usually walk to school in my elementary and high school years, but now, I have to take a bus. It’s fun, actually; I enjoyed it a lot. My first week marks the beginning of a new chapter of my life. Truly, a book has just been opened for me; my journey to life has just begun.

Separated at Birth

Separated at Birth

I was just actually surfing the net to learn how to write like an architect - because my father told me to make myself comfortable with it as soon as possible - and I found this website. It's cool actually; I'm enjoying every bit of content in this website, not only this. ^_^

Caught in the Middle

Honestly, I am thinking twice whether I am going to write a post or not in my blog. I am kinda' caught in a the middle of Scylla and Charybdis - in my situation, they're not actually evils. I am like in the middle of a tug-of-war game and both sides are pulling my left and my right arm. It seems as if I have always lived this way.

When I was a child, my mother and I started to take Bible lessons from Jehovah's Witnesses. If am not mistaken, I was in my 4th grade in Elementary, so I was ten years old at that time. It went on and on and on, until it stopped but I never got the privilege to be baptized as one of their official member. I admit that their teachings have brought so many good things to me. I was not a usual teenager when compared to my batch mates in high school. If many of my batch mates back then would burn the midnight oil for text mates, web browsing and networking, online computer games, and electronics, I would be up til dawn finishing every bit of home works, activities, and extra-curricular stuffs. I was so dedicated to my studies because of the teachings of the Jehovah's Witnesses, because I have developed love and devotion towards Him.

My Bible studying was not continuous, why? It was because I passed on to different members and I guess, I also lost interest in it. But I never stopped praying day and night and reading the Bible everyday. I kept in touch with Him but not with them. I continued my life and didn't care about those doctrines they taught.

The time came when I fell in love. He is a Born-Again Christian and if you would ask me how I feel about him, I'd say I love him so much. He was the one who made me realize a lot of things, the only person who made me think so much. Despite the difference between our religious beliefs, we fell in love. The time came when I want him to see the religion unbiasedly. I thought that if we have the same belief, it would have been better. But he let me see another side of the religion. He showed a website showing the different discrepancy of the religion that I have never known before. I never thought of it before. After I read several articles, I was so shocked at those revelation...


I didn't know what to feel. So, I shut myself from any religious organization. I didn't want any of them and still I believed in God. Without their affiliation, I lived. And I had more time for myself since I have already graduated in high school.  And what is my purpose for writing all of these? I don't know...maybe I'm just seeking for the truth, for what is real. I prayed to God to show me what is the truth, but He never showed me. What am I to believe in? Until now, I still don't know...

A Chain of Unwinding Events

Today is March 25, 2011, Friday, the day when my life begins again. It is a new life for me, that is. I want to start a new and I’m starting it now by updating all online social networks I belong to. For my whole life as a Senior, I have been really exhausted that I didn’t have time for things that I enjoy. I was so focused in my studies and in the School Publication which I have been handling since the start of July last year. From June 2010 to March 2011, I have exhausted my every effort to stay on top and I guess, I just made it, though the Valedictorian was not awarded to me. Just as Lightning McQueen said in the movie Cars, “It’s just an empty cup,” I say, “It’s just a title.” I accept it with my whole life. No regrets.

That incident before had made me even stronger. I won’t let one downfall take me down and disappointed. Instead, it will be the fountainhead of my success. There’s nothing wrong in facing failures. I admit that I was terribly hurt, but right now, I’m just happy of what I have. I’m the kind of person who knows how to be contented. But really, I give all my gratitude to those who helped me make it this far, to those who never left me, and to those who comforted me for my undertakings – especially my parents, teachers, and friends. I love you all!

This chain of events has left me for days crying; it left me exhausted and really undecided. But I don’t want to talk about it anymore. ^_^

It’s time to be happy, to enjoy, and to live. I made this blog to express myself and I really do hope this will work. So, just wait for my upcoming posts. ^^